So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
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She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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