I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
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I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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