I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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