Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize