she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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