thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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