You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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