I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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