Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You're like the curious george of whores
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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