I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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