Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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