I cannot find my penis.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i now understand why vodka
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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