At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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