somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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