I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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