are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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