Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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