Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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