And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
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He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
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Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dicks are not precious.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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