Ambien. No doubt about it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
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HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
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Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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