This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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