That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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