Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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