Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I was not drunk enough for that final.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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