I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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