11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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