I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
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This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
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If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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