you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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