You can't motorboat a personality
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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