Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
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Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
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Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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