I wish I could teleport
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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