I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
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Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
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She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Ladies don't puke and tell
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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