i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
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I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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