I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize