my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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