I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
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My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize