I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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