Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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