Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize