someone threw a dead crab at me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize