All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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