her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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