this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize