if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize