Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
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I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
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You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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