thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
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I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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