ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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