We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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