I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
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AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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