The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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